


Jitters

by Cheol_Apple



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: F/F, Light Angst, Pining, Unrequited Love, Wedding Jitters, all jinsoul does is pine, like so much pining, lipsoul
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-06
Updated: 2020-05-06
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:15:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24021190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cheol_Apple/pseuds/Cheol_Apple
Summary: She wished she didn’t feel anything out of the ordinary as they lied on that hotel bed. She wished she could just close her eyes and sleep as soundly as she was trying to make Jungeun do, that her heart would just step on the brakes and slow down, the beats running faster than the thoughts in her head.She can’t. The person lying next to her made it hard.The beautiful, intricately embroidered white gown just outside the hotel bedroom made it hard.
Relationships: Jung Jinsol | Jinsoul/Kim Jungeun | Kim Lip
Comments: 2
Kudos: 41





	Jitters

**Author's Note:**

> hi! this is my first time writing about lipsoul, and about loona, even if i've been a fan for some time, so pls be kind hehe.
> 
> str3am around you

“Jinsol.”

“Mmmm. No.”

“Jinsol. _Please._ ”

“Five more minutes, mom.”

“Jinsol, I know you know it’s me.”

_Fuck._

Jinsol turned over in bed to see Jungeun at her doorway, the hotel bathrobe wrapped around her, dark hair falling to her shoulders in disheveled waves. She looked miserable and utterly sleepless. She looked exactly like how Jinsol felt.

For her money, though, Jungeun handled the look well.

“Jungeun, the hell? You shouldn’t be awake at this hour. You…” Jinsol swallowed; found the words bitter in her throat, “have a big day ahead of you tomorrow.”

“I know that.” Jungeun rolled her eyes; she unconsciously rubbed her palms together. “But the hotel beds are really uncomfortable.”

“Well, getting the girls together the night before was _your_ idea.”

“Yeah, and the hotel was _Heejin’s_ idea. I’m an unwilling victim.”

_And I’m an unwilling participant in all this_ , Jinsol thought, still staring at her best friend, who was know currently staring back at her too. Jungeun bit her lip, and _fuck_ , if Jinsol was only standing close enough she’d—

“I know that face,” Jinsol only sighed. “Can’t you find someone else to do it with?”

“Why would I do that? You’re my best friend! It’s got to be you,” Jungeun smiled, oblivious to Jinsol’s discomfort. “Besides… this will probably for the last time. Can’t you just help me out?”

_It’s got to be you_.

_Context, Jinsol, it’s the context that counts. Not the damn words._ “Fine. Get in here. Make it count.”

She wished she could say that the brightening smile on Jungeun’s smile wasn’t worth it, that the warmth emanating from her best friend’s body didn’t send a chill through her as soon as they were close enough, that she wasn’t thrilled by the fact that Jungeun had cuddled as close to her side as possible, so that the only way Jinsol could rest her other arm was to wrap it around Jungeun, her fingers straying idly through Jungeun’s strands.

She wished she didn’t feel anything out of the ordinary as they lied on that hotel bed. She wished she could just close her eyes and sleep as soundly as she was trying to make Jungeun do, that her heart would just step on the brakes and slow down, the beats running faster than the thoughts in her head.

She can’t. The person lying next to her made it hard.

The beautiful, intricately embroidered white gown just outside the hotel bedroom made it hard.

Jinsol looked down at the bride-to-be in her arms, all fluffy hair and gangly limbs, her breath gently blowing against Jinsol’s chest, so maddeningly, tantalizingly close to her that if she closed her eyes and imagined that this was just a normal night, this wasn’t the night before her _best friend’s wedding—_

She found herself doing just that, her heart pricked itself at the exact moment, _it hurts,_ it hurts everywhere and nowhere, it hurts just exactly where she didn’t want it to. She opened her eyes once again, and for some reason her eyes drifted down to Jungeun’s arm, which was languidly draped over her. Then down to her fingers, milky white in the dim room, barely lit by the moonlight filtering through the curtains. Devoid of any decoration. Devoid of the ring. She hated and loved the race of happiness that rushed through her, her mind sadistically started a timer of its own, counting down the hours until Jungeun would have a ring on her finger, the moment that Jungeun’s was someone else’s. No longer hers.

_Was Jungeun ever hers to begin with?_ Jinsol decided to ignore that.

“Jin…Jinsollie?” Jinsol felt the body beside her shift, she looked down to see Jungeun’s face full of doubt. No, _fear_.

She hates seeing Jungeun like this. She likes seeing Jungeun like this.

_Fuck. Fuck._

“…Yeah?”

“Do… do you ever feel like you’ve made a big mistake, and you want to take it back, and you can’t?”

Jinsol’s eyes widened, her fingers trembled across Jungeun’s hair.

“I—“

“I mean, it’s, it’s probably nothing. I mean, Taeyong and I love each other—“ There was that heart prick again, Jinsol struggled to keep her face straight—“but sometimes… I feel like it’s too soon? Like we rushed into this. We’ve dated for three years now…” Jungeun exhaled, her brows creasing. “But I’ve seen people date for longer, get married for longer, and just break up in the end. So I guess my point is, what if that happens to me and him too?” Her eyes drifted from Jinsol’s, looking into what her best friend could only guess was the distant future. “What if we go all through this and just… fall apart the next day? What if…

… what if we were supposed to end up with someone else?”

_End up with someone else. Hah._ Jinsol stared selfishly at her once again, her best friend was a hundred times closer than before, what looked like all hair and limbs before was now, in fact, all _beautiful_ hair and limbs, Jungeun’s eyes reflected what little light there was, her lashes made the tiniest shadows in the dark, her lips trembled in the dark, soft, vulnerable, so goddamn _close_ —

“—Hey. Earth to Jinsol.” Jungeun snapped out of her reverie, and so did Jinsol, her best friend’s nervous giggle reverberating against her chest, gently thrumming her heart. “You’re... you’ve always been there for me. For as long as I can remember. You’ve always had my back, have always known me inside out. So… tell me,” The fear slowly replaced itself with hope, Jungeun’s lips curved in a small smile. “… Will Taeyong and I make it? Will we be happy? Is this going to be the worst decision I’ve ever made? That I can’t back out of anyway because everything’s been paid for?”

Jinsol laughed, laughed at her best friend’s humor amidst the nerves, laughed at herself for being such a fool, for letting such a kind, honest, generous person go. Jungeun was also there for her. Jungeun always had her back. Jungeun knew her almost better than Jinsol knew herself. Jungeun was as good as Jinsol’s ever going to get.

Jungeun deserved better than Jinsol. Maybe that was why it’s like this way.

“Lippie…” Jinsol began, using that nickname that Jungeun only tolerated from her, an inside joke both of them already forgot, “… you’re one of the strongest people I know. You’re responsible, smart, clever…” She smiled at Jungeun, ignoring the pain in her chest. “…You don’t have to worry about anything. If you care for him in any way, you’d make it work. It’ll only be the worst decision ever if you don’t.”

This made Jungeun smile wider, the white of her teeth barely visible.

“…You have a way with words, Jung Jinsol…”

_And you have a way with me, Kim Jungeun._

“…But I _will_ worry about one thing. I wonder if you’ll ever find anyone good for you the way you’re good for me.”

_If I was good for you, then why are you throwing all this away?_

_It’s not fair. You can do this to me for as long as you’d like. As many times as you’d like. And I’d still let you._

_You’re not good for me. You’re too good for me. Maybe you’re the only good I’ll ever get._

“I worry about that, too.” Jinsol only said. Her laugh was weaker now, she was drowning, but she had to stay strong. For Jungeun. For the one most likely to save her, but made her fall in the first place.

“Of course you do,” Jungeun rolled her eyes. “At least you know you’re worth it. Anyone would be lucky to have you Jinsol. You’re twice the person I’ll ever be. So kind, considerate, pretty…” It was Jungeun’s turn to stare at Jinsol unabashedly, and Jinsol was thankful for the dimness that hid the blood rushing to her cheeks. “Maybe, in another world…”

_In another life, Jungeun, I’d probably be braver. The words would align themselves in the right order, my hands would naturally find their way into yours, I’d care for you, I’d love more than anything I’ve ever known._

_More than how much I love you now._

_If that is even possible._

_If we lived in another world, we’d be happy. Together._

_But we don’t._

_And we’re not._

_So don’t do this to me._

_Don’t hurt me without knowing how much pain you could cause._

But Jinsol only scoffed lightly. She ran her fingers through Jungeun’s hair again, possibly for the last time.

“Just go to sleep, Jungeun.”

“Okay… Love you, Jinsollie.”

_You just had to hurt me one last time, didn’t you?_

“…Love you too, Lippie.”

**Author's Note:**

> the male name is just a placeholder, really, i dont ship loona with anyone other than loona ahaha
> 
> not saying you *can't* ship them with anyone else either, it's a free world, we can ship whoever we want as long as it doesn't hurt anyone involved-
> 
> ye i'll just be quiet now
> 
> stay safe, everyone! wash your hands always and practice social distancing!
> 
> comments and kudos are well-appreciated :)


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